Mood = Mostly neutral
Music = Edge of the Ocean by Ivy
What I SHOULD be doing = Sleeping. Definitely sleeping.
Random fact about me = Even though I looooove sleeping, I can rarely bring myself to do so at a decent hour.
Has anybody ever said to you, "Oh, don't ever date a musician."? I've heard it. I'm sure you've heard it too. Have you ever wondered why everybody tells you to never date a musician? Is there a worldwide vendetta against musicians? I always thought that musicians were pretty cool people. I mean, I'm a musician, and I'm a pretty cool person.
And then I started ...er... 'dating' a guy. If four dates can be called dating. I don't know. The man hasn't even made a move on me. I mean, sure, he hugs me after he drops me off at home, but no hand holding, no kissing, NOTHING. -facepalm- But that isn't the point of this post
The point of this post... is that I'm pretty sure I'm that musician that everybody tells you not to date. This guy is really sweet. (and for those of you wondering, yes, it is the same one I called a fucktard.) Like, really sweet. But the more I get to know him, the more I want to avoid him. And it's nothing about him, particularly. He's not a jerkface, he's not a schmuck, and he's not trying to get into my pants. All my friends thing he's the sweetest dude ever and they all think I should date him.
And I keep trying to think that I can date him, but my brain tells me no. I don't want to settle down. I want to be free to think a man is hot stuff. I want to be free to FLIRT with said hot stuff and not feel bad about it. I want to travel across the world. I want to live in every city I've ever thought was beautiful. I want to study in Vienna. I want to have a sexy, modern one bedroom apartment with a cat. And I don't want a man there with me. I don't want to settle down and get married, and MOST DEFINITELY I do not see myself ever falling deeply for this man. If anything I feel bad. I feel like if I give this guy a chance I'm only going to wind up breaking his heart. And I really don't want to do that.
So now I'm stuck on this crossroads. And I'm a coward. Part of me wants to date this guy, just to experience it. But part of me wants to run. Run far away and hide. Am I afraid of commitment? Definitely. Am I afraid of what my heart might do? Definitely. Am I afraid of getting stuck with something that maybe I didn't want all along? Most certainly.
Pretty much, my brain is a mess. My heart is a mess. The only thing I know is that I don't want to be controlled. I want to run free and do what I want when I want. And no matter how I look at it, I can only view this guy as someone who might hold me back. I feel horrible, but I think that's how I honestly feel.
So there you have it. I am THAT musician. I can only assume this is why people say never to date us. I think I need to date a musician.
So yeah.
Dear Lump,
You're awesome. Really, you are. But I'm probably going to break your heart. So....You probably shouldn't date me.
Love,
Dragonista.
