Time = 10:53PM
Mood = Still Ill (oh hey, that rhymes)
Music = Misguided Ghosts by Paramore
What I SHOULD be doing = Either sleeping or studying
Random Fact about me = I did not cry when I watched Shutter Island, but I cry Every. Single. Time in Bambi and Lord of the Rings.
Okay, so here's the thing. I'm really starting to get bothered by this chick. Annoying, I believe, is what I've called her before. For the most part, I don't see her, but when I do, she just annoys me to no end. I really want to try and ignore it, you know, I don't want to be bothered by her when I don't really care about her that much, but I can't help it. She just bugs me!
I can't totally explain this next bit, so if it confuses you, I'm sorry, dear reader, you're just gonna have to bear with me.
The problem is that she thinks she has authority in my life, and acts as such. And because ihave no idea how to stop her, I wind up feeling violated whenever she's around. It doesn't matter where I am, or what I'm doing, the minute she shows up, my evening is ruined. I feel groans of dread rising in inside me whenever I see her coming, and if I can, I leave. It sucks. I don't want to have to avoid her. I'd far rather have her leave me alone that me always having to find ways to escape her. I wish she would find somebody else to follow and copy, somebody who actually wants this kind of relationship. As for me, I don't want it. Not a single bit. I wish she would leave me alone so much. I'm sorry this isn't particularly coherent. I promise I'll be back to my typical style within a little while, but studying for finals on top of cold medication just doesn't leave much room for Dragonista's processing abilities.
Peace.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
What I meant to say was...
Time = 12: 23
Mood = ill
Music = The dulcet sound of... AN ANGEL'S VOICE
What I SHOULD be doing = Idk... waltzing with a man-eating monkey, or something?
Random fact about me = In my mind.... I'm quite the seductress. lmao... not really... but we can pretend, no?
You know what's really annoying? when you have something to say and you can't say it. Like, when you're sitting with somebody, and they're annoying the hell out of you, and all these words that you'd just LOVE to say come welling up into your brain, but somehow, there's this disconnect between brain and mouth. It's like Brain goes HEY, YOU, SAY THIS! and Mouth goes LAWL NO WAY IN HELL! TAKE THAT, BITCHES!
... I think that's a pretty accurate description. So anyway... I wonder why that is. I wonder if it's because you're too nice to say something that might potentially destroy someone... or maybe too cowardly to actually come right out and say what you're thinking... (and by you, of course, I mean me. Maybe it's actually a really lucky thing that I can't say what I'm thinking when I think it. I mean... if the people I write about on here heard me say what I had to say flat out to their faces, I don't know if their tiny little psyches could handle it.
And... y'know... I don't want to single handedly drive them to their insanity.
So the question is... How can you say what you mean to say and get off without killing anybody, maiming anybody's psyche, and without destroying any respect that others have for you...
And for that matter, why in the hell does it matter so much what people think of you?! I'd like to think that the people who really matter - that is, the people who really know me - would know better than to think I was being malicious for the hell of it.
But somehow, whenever I want to say something like "FOR HEAVENS SAKE, WOMAN, TRY TO BE A LITTLE OPTIMISTIC EVERY NOW AND AGAIN! IT WON'T KILL YOU!", it's like the words catch in my throat and I can't seem to get them out.
Maybe it's because I know I'll regret it once I'll say it. I don't know... But what I do know, is when I let myself think this stuff, and write it out, I feel better. But when I just hold it in and let it fester... well... look up fester... it's a good description.
If my thoughts are fragmented, I apologize. I probably have a fever, as I'm not thinking totally straight, but I needed to think about this.
Cheers.
Mood = ill
Music = The dulcet sound of... AN ANGEL'S VOICE
What I SHOULD be doing = Idk... waltzing with a man-eating monkey, or something?
Random fact about me = In my mind.... I'm quite the seductress. lmao... not really... but we can pretend, no?
You know what's really annoying? when you have something to say and you can't say it. Like, when you're sitting with somebody, and they're annoying the hell out of you, and all these words that you'd just LOVE to say come welling up into your brain, but somehow, there's this disconnect between brain and mouth. It's like Brain goes HEY, YOU, SAY THIS! and Mouth goes LAWL NO WAY IN HELL! TAKE THAT, BITCHES!
... I think that's a pretty accurate description. So anyway... I wonder why that is. I wonder if it's because you're too nice to say something that might potentially destroy someone... or maybe too cowardly to actually come right out and say what you're thinking... (and by you, of course, I mean me. Maybe it's actually a really lucky thing that I can't say what I'm thinking when I think it. I mean... if the people I write about on here heard me say what I had to say flat out to their faces, I don't know if their tiny little psyches could handle it.
And... y'know... I don't want to single handedly drive them to their insanity.
So the question is... How can you say what you mean to say and get off without killing anybody, maiming anybody's psyche, and without destroying any respect that others have for you...
And for that matter, why in the hell does it matter so much what people think of you?! I'd like to think that the people who really matter - that is, the people who really know me - would know better than to think I was being malicious for the hell of it.
But somehow, whenever I want to say something like "FOR HEAVENS SAKE, WOMAN, TRY TO BE A LITTLE OPTIMISTIC EVERY NOW AND AGAIN! IT WON'T KILL YOU!", it's like the words catch in my throat and I can't seem to get them out.
Maybe it's because I know I'll regret it once I'll say it. I don't know... But what I do know, is when I let myself think this stuff, and write it out, I feel better. But when I just hold it in and let it fester... well... look up fester... it's a good description.
If my thoughts are fragmented, I apologize. I probably have a fever, as I'm not thinking totally straight, but I needed to think about this.
Cheers.
Friday, April 16, 2010
How About That...
Time = 3:57PM
Mood = Mellow
Music = Help I'm Alive by Metric
What I SHOULD be doing = studying for finals
Random fact about me = I really like changing up my hairstyle.
Have you ever wondered if maybe you're the person who dislikes you the most?
I have. I actually wonder about that a lot. Like how maybe I'm the one who thinks I'm annoying, or who thinks I'm a bad singer. Maybe everybody else around me actually thinks I'm really fun to be around, and loves my singing voice. I don't know when it happened, but I stopped taking people at face value.
I don't want to do that any more. It's stressful, you know, wondering what the people who like think about you. Always worrying that they dislike you, find you unattractive, awkward, whatever. I'm really starting to realize that I don't want that. I don't need the stress of that.
and you know, really, I know I'm the one who dislikes me the most. When I can't put up a wall with somebody, when they dump their problems on me and only THEN do I begin feeling violated, I really hate that. It brings me down a lot.
I hate the fact that I can't be mean, or unkind to someone, no matter how much I dislike them. I mean, I suppose it's a good thing. It means that I see people as people, no matter how much of a pain in the rear they are. But I really hate it. I wish I could tell people that I don't want to be their friend instead of just being fake.
Well... I mean, I'm not as fake as I could be. I don't know... I pride myself on being honest, you know? I really like saying what I think about things, but for some reason, I can never come out and point out a flaw to somebody. I can't say "You're so rude and disrespectful, and if you'd just learn to respect people and be NORMAL, you might actually have friends." and I can't say "start studying the way people interact with other people, and you'll actually make friends."
No matter how much I want to do it, I just can't do it. But is it really fair to them if I'm dishonest about that? Is it really fair for me to keep being kind and friendly to somebody who makes me feel disgusted right down to my soul? (there's only one like that, but yeah.) I don't think it's fair to them. And I don't think it's fair to me.
I think I need to learn to let go of things. And I need to learn to let go of what people think of me. I need to let go of my reservations of saying something just in case it hurts someone. I need to be honest, and there shouldn't be anything holding me back from that. I mean, that being said, I don't think I'll ever say what I put in this blog out loud. There still needs to be a limit. what I write here, I take all my malicious intent, and multiply it by 10. I don't want to be malicious or mean, or bitchy, I just want to tell the truth.
I want to start saying things like, "I can't handle hearing this right now," and "you need help that I can't give you," and "you're disturbing me" and "I don't really feel comfortable being with you right now, please leave me alone." The truth is, I feel like people would be a lot more comfortable with me if they actually knew where they stood with me, and if I stopped trying to figure out what they were thinking and just accepted them at face value.
Sure, sometimes they might laugh behind my back, and sometimes I might be taking the face value wrong, but you know what? It's not my problem. If people misunder stand me, they're the ones who are misunderstanding me. If people choose to get hurt by what I say, they were the ones who chose, not me. If people choose to hate me, they made that choice, not me. I guess, this is something I instinctively know. I just can't get my brain and heart wrapped around the concept. I think it'll take some work, but I can do it. I can definitely do it.
Henceforth, Dragonista's gonna be working at honesty.
Wish me luck.
Mood = Mellow
Music = Help I'm Alive by Metric
What I SHOULD be doing = studying for finals
Random fact about me = I really like changing up my hairstyle.
Have you ever wondered if maybe you're the person who dislikes you the most?
I have. I actually wonder about that a lot. Like how maybe I'm the one who thinks I'm annoying, or who thinks I'm a bad singer. Maybe everybody else around me actually thinks I'm really fun to be around, and loves my singing voice. I don't know when it happened, but I stopped taking people at face value.
I don't want to do that any more. It's stressful, you know, wondering what the people who like think about you. Always worrying that they dislike you, find you unattractive, awkward, whatever. I'm really starting to realize that I don't want that. I don't need the stress of that.
and you know, really, I know I'm the one who dislikes me the most. When I can't put up a wall with somebody, when they dump their problems on me and only THEN do I begin feeling violated, I really hate that. It brings me down a lot.
I hate the fact that I can't be mean, or unkind to someone, no matter how much I dislike them. I mean, I suppose it's a good thing. It means that I see people as people, no matter how much of a pain in the rear they are. But I really hate it. I wish I could tell people that I don't want to be their friend instead of just being fake.
Well... I mean, I'm not as fake as I could be. I don't know... I pride myself on being honest, you know? I really like saying what I think about things, but for some reason, I can never come out and point out a flaw to somebody. I can't say "You're so rude and disrespectful, and if you'd just learn to respect people and be NORMAL, you might actually have friends." and I can't say "start studying the way people interact with other people, and you'll actually make friends."
No matter how much I want to do it, I just can't do it. But is it really fair to them if I'm dishonest about that? Is it really fair for me to keep being kind and friendly to somebody who makes me feel disgusted right down to my soul? (there's only one like that, but yeah.) I don't think it's fair to them. And I don't think it's fair to me.
I think I need to learn to let go of things. And I need to learn to let go of what people think of me. I need to let go of my reservations of saying something just in case it hurts someone. I need to be honest, and there shouldn't be anything holding me back from that. I mean, that being said, I don't think I'll ever say what I put in this blog out loud. There still needs to be a limit. what I write here, I take all my malicious intent, and multiply it by 10. I don't want to be malicious or mean, or bitchy, I just want to tell the truth.
I want to start saying things like, "I can't handle hearing this right now," and "you need help that I can't give you," and "you're disturbing me" and "I don't really feel comfortable being with you right now, please leave me alone." The truth is, I feel like people would be a lot more comfortable with me if they actually knew where they stood with me, and if I stopped trying to figure out what they were thinking and just accepted them at face value.
Sure, sometimes they might laugh behind my back, and sometimes I might be taking the face value wrong, but you know what? It's not my problem. If people misunder stand me, they're the ones who are misunderstanding me. If people choose to get hurt by what I say, they were the ones who chose, not me. If people choose to hate me, they made that choice, not me. I guess, this is something I instinctively know. I just can't get my brain and heart wrapped around the concept. I think it'll take some work, but I can do it. I can definitely do it.
Henceforth, Dragonista's gonna be working at honesty.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Oh hey, Shut up.
Time = 11:42
Mood = Perturbed
Music = Fairy Tale by Sara Bareilles
What I SHOULD be doing = French. Guh.
Random Fact about me = I can't stand having my nails longer than my fingertips. Ever.
So I have this serious issue with Whiny. Do I ever. I wish she would shut the fuck up and not speak to me. She annoys me to no end. You know, I get that she's socially retarded and has absolutely no semblance of any social skills whatsoever, and I try to be nice to her because of it, but I mean, seriously. She complains about how everybody leaves her behind and ditches her. Well, No shit. She is THE most NEGATIVE person that I know. Even more negative than this blog. Nothing positive comes out of her mouth. Ever. In fact, when you think she's saying something positive, but saying it in a bright way as thought it was positive. Don't let that fool you, it's not.
So yeah, had an incredible evening, it was a building wide tea-party. (I live in an all girls building). It was just great, and so much fun. It was seriously the perfect evening, but all throughout, she was pulling this face, like she was in pain. She couldn't even enjoy the beautiful tea-party, complete with cucumber sandwiches. I ignored it as best I could.
When it finally came time to leave, I'm walking down the hall, and she walks to keep up with me, and walks back to the dorm with me. The whole 15 minute walk. And then, I ask her if she got into appartments, because DEAR GOD, I DON'T WANT HER IN MY DORM NEXT YEAR. GOD FORBID. SERIOUSLY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Yeah, I thought that it was going to be a safe topic. No such luck. She goes on to use the WHOLE FREAKING FIFTEEN MINUTES TO COMPLAIN TO ME. ....Gaw... I don't care at all... and she talks about how she normally NEVER calls people rude, but I mean, All I ever hear from her is complain complain complain complain.
And really, I wanna clue her in. Nobody like somebody who's negative. Nobody wants a downer to be walking in their lives. It's annoying. And I...lost my train of thought. (and my brain.) At any rate, THANK GOD I'm done with her in two weeks. Woohoo.
Peace out, people,
Dragonista. <33
Mood = Perturbed
Music = Fairy Tale by Sara Bareilles
What I SHOULD be doing = French. Guh.
Random Fact about me = I can't stand having my nails longer than my fingertips. Ever.
So I have this serious issue with Whiny. Do I ever. I wish she would shut the fuck up and not speak to me. She annoys me to no end. You know, I get that she's socially retarded and has absolutely no semblance of any social skills whatsoever, and I try to be nice to her because of it, but I mean, seriously. She complains about how everybody leaves her behind and ditches her. Well, No shit. She is THE most NEGATIVE person that I know. Even more negative than this blog. Nothing positive comes out of her mouth. Ever. In fact, when you think she's saying something positive, but saying it in a bright way as thought it was positive. Don't let that fool you, it's not.
So yeah, had an incredible evening, it was a building wide tea-party. (I live in an all girls building). It was just great, and so much fun. It was seriously the perfect evening, but all throughout, she was pulling this face, like she was in pain. She couldn't even enjoy the beautiful tea-party, complete with cucumber sandwiches. I ignored it as best I could.
When it finally came time to leave, I'm walking down the hall, and she walks to keep up with me, and walks back to the dorm with me. The whole 15 minute walk. And then, I ask her if she got into appartments, because DEAR GOD, I DON'T WANT HER IN MY DORM NEXT YEAR. GOD FORBID. SERIOUSLY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Yeah, I thought that it was going to be a safe topic. No such luck. She goes on to use the WHOLE FREAKING FIFTEEN MINUTES TO COMPLAIN TO ME. ....Gaw... I don't care at all... and she talks about how she normally NEVER calls people rude, but I mean, All I ever hear from her is complain complain complain complain.
And really, I wanna clue her in. Nobody like somebody who's negative. Nobody wants a downer to be walking in their lives. It's annoying. And I...lost my train of thought. (and my brain.) At any rate, THANK GOD I'm done with her in two weeks. Woohoo.
Peace out, people,
Dragonista. <33
Monday, April 12, 2010
There Are No Words
Time = 1:13 PM
Mood = Mostly mellow, slightly perturbed
Music = Dancing by Elisa
What I SHOULD be doing = Nothing, for once.
Random fact about me = I get hiccups when I giggle.
So, yeah. I couldn't really think of a title for this one. It's just one of those, "hey I have a mini rant that's directionless" type of things, you know?
I have an issue with peop[le who make assumptions about me without my permission. It's like, they don't even know me, but they think I'm one way or another and assume these things without knowing me at all. It's really annoying. It's even harder when those assumptions cause them to dislike me without reason.
It's not a happy feeling, knowing that somebody doesn't like you, but knowing that you gave them no cause. I mean, when they walk by you and give you a look of disdain, or talk to your friends about how terrible you are when you did nothing that they say you did. And part of you wants to try and make friends with them, but you know it's totally impossible because they hate you.
It's even worse when they're friends with your friends. And when your friends are completely unaware of it. And there's nothing you can do about it. That's the worst.
And the guy that I like, I think he likes this really awesome girl. I want to dislike her just because he likes her, but she's so incredible that I feel like there's no way that he could ever like me if she's around. Which really sucks. Because he's seriously amazing and adorable and just... -sigh-.
Actually, he just came by me again. I forget all my grumpiness when he comes by. Whenever I see this guy, it's all I can do to not grin my head off like an idiot for like three hours afterwards.
Dear Boyface:
if you could notice me, that would be great.
Love,
Dragonista.
Mood = Mostly mellow, slightly perturbed
Music = Dancing by Elisa
What I SHOULD be doing = Nothing, for once.
Random fact about me = I get hiccups when I giggle.
So, yeah. I couldn't really think of a title for this one. It's just one of those, "hey I have a mini rant that's directionless" type of things, you know?
I have an issue with peop[le who make assumptions about me without my permission. It's like, they don't even know me, but they think I'm one way or another and assume these things without knowing me at all. It's really annoying. It's even harder when those assumptions cause them to dislike me without reason.
It's not a happy feeling, knowing that somebody doesn't like you, but knowing that you gave them no cause. I mean, when they walk by you and give you a look of disdain, or talk to your friends about how terrible you are when you did nothing that they say you did. And part of you wants to try and make friends with them, but you know it's totally impossible because they hate you.
It's even worse when they're friends with your friends. And when your friends are completely unaware of it. And there's nothing you can do about it. That's the worst.
And the guy that I like, I think he likes this really awesome girl. I want to dislike her just because he likes her, but she's so incredible that I feel like there's no way that he could ever like me if she's around. Which really sucks. Because he's seriously amazing and adorable and just... -sigh-.
Actually, he just came by me again. I forget all my grumpiness when he comes by. Whenever I see this guy, it's all I can do to not grin my head off like an idiot for like three hours afterwards.
Dear Boyface:
if you could notice me, that would be great.
Love,
Dragonista.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Shut the Fuck Up
Time = 1:32
Mood = Pissed
Music = Fuck You by Lily Allen
What I SHOULD be doing = I dunno.. sleeping?
Random fact about me = I happen to really like random facts.
Okay. So, here's the thing. There are some things that I can tolerate more than others. People dumping their problems on me? Yeah, that's actually one of the lesser things. There are two things that bug me more than anything else, and that make me want to fucking throw my computer through a window.
Self-centered fuckers, and Judgemental fuckers.
I feel like, if you're gonna think something about somebody, than you should at least have the guts to talk to somebody about it directly. Okay, so that being said, I feel like this blog is a little bad, but at the same time, this is my filter. This is where I put the stuff that I would never actually say out loud to anybody because even though I'm thinking it, I still value their tiny little egos and minds. (Okay, so their egoes aren't that tiny).
These people are the ones who look at a situation, form an opinion, and keep it entirely to themselves, only to discuss it with a bazillion third parties, thus starting rumors and leaving the subjects of said rumors feeling entirely violated. Stupid bastards.
Like, I've got some friends who went out to have a good time. Without Alcohol. Sugar and caffeine goes a long ways, yo. So some girls from our building spot them, and are like "Oh Mai GAWD they are SOOOOOO Drunk! AND they're TOTES driving drunk! Oh Mai. Fecking. Gawd (only they wouldn't say feck or gawd because they're too PERFECT)". So what do they do? Rather than stopping these supposedly drunk girls from getting back on the road, they LET THEM LEAVE, and then return to inform their RA, who in turn informs my friends RA who is like "WTF these girls would NOT be drunk".
Long story short, when my friends came back, they tried to set the story straight, but these fuckers wouldn't listen! They STILL think my friends were/are drunk, even though they couldn't be more sober if they were DEAD.
So then, we're just chillin' trying to debrief in my lounge, when ..um... what's her name.... Whiny. Whiny comes into the lounge and essentially tells us to shut up because her sleep is more important. I understand that. So I tried to diplomatically explain the situation to her. With no avail. She just didn't listen, and continued to go on and on about how she needed to sleep and we should go talk elsewhere. Like... dude. It's a fucking public lounge. We're allowed to fucking talk where we want to. If you're so sensitive that you can't sleep, buy a fucking pair of headphones, you idiot. Yeesh. Right there. Self focused.
These two (groups) of people that I just discussed have one thing in common. They have their heads shoved so far up their asses that they have no idea what's going on around them. They also have no idea that their behavior makes Everybody hate them.
Oh yeah, they're a great piece.
Mood = Pissed
Music = Fuck You by Lily Allen
What I SHOULD be doing = I dunno.. sleeping?
Random fact about me = I happen to really like random facts.
Okay. So, here's the thing. There are some things that I can tolerate more than others. People dumping their problems on me? Yeah, that's actually one of the lesser things. There are two things that bug me more than anything else, and that make me want to fucking throw my computer through a window.
Self-centered fuckers, and Judgemental fuckers.
I feel like, if you're gonna think something about somebody, than you should at least have the guts to talk to somebody about it directly. Okay, so that being said, I feel like this blog is a little bad, but at the same time, this is my filter. This is where I put the stuff that I would never actually say out loud to anybody because even though I'm thinking it, I still value their tiny little egos and minds. (Okay, so their egoes aren't that tiny).
These people are the ones who look at a situation, form an opinion, and keep it entirely to themselves, only to discuss it with a bazillion third parties, thus starting rumors and leaving the subjects of said rumors feeling entirely violated. Stupid bastards.
Like, I've got some friends who went out to have a good time. Without Alcohol. Sugar and caffeine goes a long ways, yo. So some girls from our building spot them, and are like "Oh Mai GAWD they are SOOOOOO Drunk! AND they're TOTES driving drunk! Oh Mai. Fecking. Gawd (only they wouldn't say feck or gawd because they're too PERFECT)". So what do they do? Rather than stopping these supposedly drunk girls from getting back on the road, they LET THEM LEAVE, and then return to inform their RA, who in turn informs my friends RA who is like "WTF these girls would NOT be drunk".
Long story short, when my friends came back, they tried to set the story straight, but these fuckers wouldn't listen! They STILL think my friends were/are drunk, even though they couldn't be more sober if they were DEAD.
So then, we're just chillin' trying to debrief in my lounge, when ..um... what's her name.... Whiny. Whiny comes into the lounge and essentially tells us to shut up because her sleep is more important. I understand that. So I tried to diplomatically explain the situation to her. With no avail. She just didn't listen, and continued to go on and on about how she needed to sleep and we should go talk elsewhere. Like... dude. It's a fucking public lounge. We're allowed to fucking talk where we want to. If you're so sensitive that you can't sleep, buy a fucking pair of headphones, you idiot. Yeesh. Right there. Self focused.
These two (groups) of people that I just discussed have one thing in common. They have their heads shoved so far up their asses that they have no idea what's going on around them. They also have no idea that their behavior makes Everybody hate them.
Oh yeah, they're a great piece.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Burnt Out
Time = 3:31 PM
Mood = Tired
Music = I Was Born (A Unicorn) by The Unicorns
What I SHOULD be doing = writing my two papers
Random fact about me = Call me Cleopatra, for I am the queen of denial.
Oh man. Let me ask you this: Studies have shown that sitting in a class having somebody talk at you is one of the worst ways for people to learn. And yet our entire educational system is based on this. You go to hear a sermon, and you get one man standing in the front, talking at you. As soon as you start 1st grade, you sit in your desk and have someone talk at you for the next 12 years of your life. And then, if you happen to go on to higher education (I.E. University, College, Trade School), you get to, yes, you guessed it, listen to somebody talk at you.
Personally, I feel like the education system is a little flawed. Okay, actually, really flawed. You sit in class for an hour, (and remember, I'm talking about University now), listening to your professor talk. They don't ask you if you get it. They assume you get it. And rather than encouraging a question, I find that profs treat you like a total imbecile if you, perchance, don't get it. So what are your options? Pray that you're brilliant and understand everything on the first go; Sit in class and PRETEND you're brilliant, only to flunk the assignments, quizzes, tests, and exams that are thrown your way; or you can ask a question in class and be beheld as an idiot by prof and classmate alike. Yeah. That sounds like oodles of fun.
And another issue. All the profs give heavy quantities of homework simultaneously. Logic would suggest that they space out assignments over a long period of time. Or even, you know, have the options for the paper on the syllabus. But nooo. They're control freaks. They don't want you to know what the next assignment is, lest you actually might want to get ahead so that you don't get frazzled and stressed. No, instead, they keep the topics from you til the end, and expect you to write everything at the same time and do a good job. I'm going insane.
And why do they have to assign these at the end of the year? Wouldn't it be better to assign it at the beginning so that people actually learn about the subject matter they're writing about, rather than make it for the end of the year when everybody's scrambling to study for exams in hopes that they don't flunk. I don't really know anybody who would actually retain information in this kind of stress-filled situation.
Grades are made of fail too! I don't want my brain being put to a numerical value! I don't want to be compared to somebody who's a bazillion times smarter than me who writes their papers in a day and gets 90s, or who studies for a day and gets 90s. I don't want to be compared to anybody. I don't get it. Or the fact that scholarships are assigned based on this. Really, I just hate the hierarchy. I hate that somebody has to be able to do one thing well in order to be considered valuable. I think it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if you see the value in somebody, that doesn't mean they don't have value. Everybody has value in some way, and I hate that there's this hierarchy of values. Nobody really even knows where it came from or why it's here. It's always "they"... well who the fuck is they, and who peed in their cornflakes?
Don't ask me how I'd change it. I start thinking about it and then my brain explodes because I realize that I have absolutely no power to change it. Why, oh why, am I in university again? Guh.
Wish my luck and safety from an imploding brain!
Mood = Tired
Music = I Was Born (A Unicorn) by The Unicorns
What I SHOULD be doing = writing my two papers
Random fact about me = Call me Cleopatra, for I am the queen of denial.
Oh man. Let me ask you this: Studies have shown that sitting in a class having somebody talk at you is one of the worst ways for people to learn. And yet our entire educational system is based on this. You go to hear a sermon, and you get one man standing in the front, talking at you. As soon as you start 1st grade, you sit in your desk and have someone talk at you for the next 12 years of your life. And then, if you happen to go on to higher education (I.E. University, College, Trade School), you get to, yes, you guessed it, listen to somebody talk at you.
Personally, I feel like the education system is a little flawed. Okay, actually, really flawed. You sit in class for an hour, (and remember, I'm talking about University now), listening to your professor talk. They don't ask you if you get it. They assume you get it. And rather than encouraging a question, I find that profs treat you like a total imbecile if you, perchance, don't get it. So what are your options? Pray that you're brilliant and understand everything on the first go; Sit in class and PRETEND you're brilliant, only to flunk the assignments, quizzes, tests, and exams that are thrown your way; or you can ask a question in class and be beheld as an idiot by prof and classmate alike. Yeah. That sounds like oodles of fun.
And another issue. All the profs give heavy quantities of homework simultaneously. Logic would suggest that they space out assignments over a long period of time. Or even, you know, have the options for the paper on the syllabus. But nooo. They're control freaks. They don't want you to know what the next assignment is, lest you actually might want to get ahead so that you don't get frazzled and stressed. No, instead, they keep the topics from you til the end, and expect you to write everything at the same time and do a good job. I'm going insane.
And why do they have to assign these at the end of the year? Wouldn't it be better to assign it at the beginning so that people actually learn about the subject matter they're writing about, rather than make it for the end of the year when everybody's scrambling to study for exams in hopes that they don't flunk. I don't really know anybody who would actually retain information in this kind of stress-filled situation.
Grades are made of fail too! I don't want my brain being put to a numerical value! I don't want to be compared to somebody who's a bazillion times smarter than me who writes their papers in a day and gets 90s, or who studies for a day and gets 90s. I don't want to be compared to anybody. I don't get it. Or the fact that scholarships are assigned based on this. Really, I just hate the hierarchy. I hate that somebody has to be able to do one thing well in order to be considered valuable. I think it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if you see the value in somebody, that doesn't mean they don't have value. Everybody has value in some way, and I hate that there's this hierarchy of values. Nobody really even knows where it came from or why it's here. It's always "they"... well who the fuck is they, and who peed in their cornflakes?
Don't ask me how I'd change it. I start thinking about it and then my brain explodes because I realize that I have absolutely no power to change it. Why, oh why, am I in university again? Guh.
Wish my luck and safety from an imploding brain!
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