Time = 7:29 PM
Mood = Miserable
Music = Ignorance by Paramore
What I SHOULD be doing = Studying
Random fact about me = I've been teething on my wisdom teeth for a year and they're still not through.
This is so messed up. Seriously. I don't get why people make viruses. They destroy other people's computers, and why? Because it's fun? Because they get off to it? If I could, I would create a search and destroy program that traced the origin of the virus and destroyed the fucker's computer. But I can't. So now I just have a virused computer, and I'm miserable. Woohoo. I can't even start up my computer, because every time I do, the fucking thing replicates into 20 more files.
Right now, I want to buy a mac. They don't get as many viruses and shit, and let's face it, in my opinion, they're awesome. I especially hate people who try to tell me that Windows or Linux or whatever is better. I don't complain about their computer choices, they shouldn't complain about mine.
I don't really even have the steam to finish writing this. Guh.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
OH MY GOSH
Time = 9:20
Mood = E-FREAKING-LATED
Music = Commercials
What I SHOULD Be Doing = NOTHING, Reading break, baby!
Random fact about me = I cheer for every athlete on the stage until Canada performs. And then I only cheer for Canada.
SO THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY SHORT! AND ALL IN CAPS!!!!!!
CANADA GOT GOLD IN ICE DANCING!!!!!! THIS IS A FIRST! HISTORY! AND I SAW IT LIVE!!!!
MOIR AND VIRTUE, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!
PEACE OUT, DUDES!
Mood = E-FREAKING-LATED
Music = Commercials
What I SHOULD Be Doing = NOTHING, Reading break, baby!
Random fact about me = I cheer for every athlete on the stage until Canada performs. And then I only cheer for Canada.
SO THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY SHORT! AND ALL IN CAPS!!!!!!
CANADA GOT GOLD IN ICE DANCING!!!!!! THIS IS A FIRST! HISTORY! AND I SAW IT LIVE!!!!
MOIR AND VIRTUE, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!!!
PEACE OUT, DUDES!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
There Are No Words
Time = 11:02PM
Mood = ...fucking hell.
Music = Take a Bow by Muse
What I SHOULD be doing = working on this fucking essay....
Random fact about me = There are some things that I just don't find funny. And I hate when people judge me for it.
Oh what a lovely day it is. Not. Midterms should be banned. I wonder how many kids drop school after them. This is my second time around, and I still think they're hell on earth. I've just spent the last 6 hours working on a paper that's due tomorrow. It needs at least 2000 words, and I only have 800. While that's not so huge, the fact that my day SUCKED didn't really help that at all. Really. It sucked.
I had to get out of bed, to start. And then I had an awesome class that I absolutely love. Highlight of my day. Downside? Ms. Annoying decides to text me in the middle of my class, and though my phone is on vibrate, it's during the most SILENT moment in class, and everybody stares at me. I should have known that nothing good was going to come out of this day.
Okay. I lied. There was SOME good, in this day. I did well on the midterm that I had today, was able to talk to my sister about her wedding, saw a couple of friends that always make me smile, that kind of thing. If it wasn't for that, I would not be in the stable mood I am now (and I use the phrase stable lightly.)
Fucking hell, even writing this, my computer keeps freezing every five seconds and losing half the sentence so I have to retype it. I blogged earlier today, that was just the beginning. That friend kept stalking me all day sending me stupid texts that I don't give a rats ass about, messaging me whenever I came online... I was so sick of her, when bulemic friend comes up to me and asks me where annoying friend is. LIKE I KNOW WHERE THE HELL SHE IS! Because that's how often she's around me. Isn't that great? Then, bulemic friend goes on to spill her current issues to me without stopping despite the fact that I tell her that I'm writing a paper.
And this part, I will admit, is my fault, because I don't have the guts to tell her to shut the fuck up and let me do my paper. So then she leaves after stuffing her face, and belatedly, I realize she's probably purging, which I think is totally ridiculous, because she annoys the fuck out of me, talking about how fat she is when I don't think I would ever have the capacity to look like her. She always complains about people who are attention whores, but really, the only reason she notices is because she's a fucking attention whore herself. I mean, there are aspects of her that I like, I just hate how she never does anything to fix her life, and expects me to fix it for her. Story. Of. My. Fucking. Life.
So then, after interruption after interruption, I am so exhausted that I'm actually worried that I'm going to pass out. Like I was dizzy. So I get up to go to the washroom, and while I'm standing in the bathroom, washing my hands, some bitch walks into me, WHEN THERE WAS LOTS OF FUCKING ROOM AROUND ME and my bag fucking breaks, spilling my laptop, my textbooks, notebooks, and pens all over the floor. This bitch turns around, loooks at me, KNOWS SHE'S FUCKING BROKE MY BAG, and walks away without so much as an apology.
I mean WHAT THE HELL?! If the bitch had just apologized, I would have told her it was fine, and meant it. But what the fuck was that? She was so fucking rude. She could have even helped me to pick up my stuff. But noo, she left me there with all my stuff all over the floor and goes off laughing with her friends. I hope her computer eats one of her midterm papers.
So then I have to walk all the way back to my building with a broken bag, which is, by the way, about a 7 minute walk. Then, I have to juggle said broken bag to open the doors, while two girls, who know me, sit there staring. Then, once I am inside, they ask me to do them a favor. Me! The one with the BROKEN BAG, struggling to carry the multiple textbooks and laptop! To do them, lazy asses, a FAVOR! I said no and took the elevator upstairs.
I turned on my computer to have a nice peaceful respite online, when Annoying Friend decides to message me incessantly about some random friend who hates an author she loves. GASP THAT COMPLETES MY LIFE, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME THAT ENTIRELY USELESS DETAIL.
And then Caustic Friend (she's new, you don't know her yet) attacks me on facebook. Now, I bitched Caustic Friend out a little while back for because a selfish bitch and always talking about herself and her problems, and ignoring me, and she apologized, so I was hoping that it might be better. She even asks me what I'm planning on doing (I.E. pursue my dream of being a Music Producer, or stay in univerisity majoring in something I'm good at but don't love [btw, I'm PLANNING to be a music major, I'm a modern languages major at the moment.]) I tell her I'm gonna finish the semester out here, and she's like "Good". And goes on to tell me how pursuing Producing would cost me too much money. And I'm thinking, I already have over 11,000 dollars in loans, a little extra money isn't a big deal. Besides, I'm not a coward like you, and actually intend to pursue my dreams while I'm young, and before I become a crusty old cat lady.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Maybe I should just go to bed before.... Damnit. Who the fuck orders somebody to go to bed just because they are? Yay, let's make Dragonista's day a little worse, shall we? Really. I SHOULD FLEE to bed before somebody decides to try and make my day even worse.
.....There are no salutations I can bring out at this point.
Mood = ...fucking hell.
Music = Take a Bow by Muse
What I SHOULD be doing = working on this fucking essay....
Random fact about me = There are some things that I just don't find funny. And I hate when people judge me for it.
Oh what a lovely day it is. Not. Midterms should be banned. I wonder how many kids drop school after them. This is my second time around, and I still think they're hell on earth. I've just spent the last 6 hours working on a paper that's due tomorrow. It needs at least 2000 words, and I only have 800. While that's not so huge, the fact that my day SUCKED didn't really help that at all. Really. It sucked.
I had to get out of bed, to start. And then I had an awesome class that I absolutely love. Highlight of my day. Downside? Ms. Annoying decides to text me in the middle of my class, and though my phone is on vibrate, it's during the most SILENT moment in class, and everybody stares at me. I should have known that nothing good was going to come out of this day.
Okay. I lied. There was SOME good, in this day. I did well on the midterm that I had today, was able to talk to my sister about her wedding, saw a couple of friends that always make me smile, that kind of thing. If it wasn't for that, I would not be in the stable mood I am now (and I use the phrase stable lightly.)
Fucking hell, even writing this, my computer keeps freezing every five seconds and losing half the sentence so I have to retype it. I blogged earlier today, that was just the beginning. That friend kept stalking me all day sending me stupid texts that I don't give a rats ass about, messaging me whenever I came online... I was so sick of her, when bulemic friend comes up to me and asks me where annoying friend is. LIKE I KNOW WHERE THE HELL SHE IS! Because that's how often she's around me. Isn't that great? Then, bulemic friend goes on to spill her current issues to me without stopping despite the fact that I tell her that I'm writing a paper.
And this part, I will admit, is my fault, because I don't have the guts to tell her to shut the fuck up and let me do my paper. So then she leaves after stuffing her face, and belatedly, I realize she's probably purging, which I think is totally ridiculous, because she annoys the fuck out of me, talking about how fat she is when I don't think I would ever have the capacity to look like her. She always complains about people who are attention whores, but really, the only reason she notices is because she's a fucking attention whore herself. I mean, there are aspects of her that I like, I just hate how she never does anything to fix her life, and expects me to fix it for her. Story. Of. My. Fucking. Life.
So then, after interruption after interruption, I am so exhausted that I'm actually worried that I'm going to pass out. Like I was dizzy. So I get up to go to the washroom, and while I'm standing in the bathroom, washing my hands, some bitch walks into me, WHEN THERE WAS LOTS OF FUCKING ROOM AROUND ME and my bag fucking breaks, spilling my laptop, my textbooks, notebooks, and pens all over the floor. This bitch turns around, loooks at me, KNOWS SHE'S FUCKING BROKE MY BAG, and walks away without so much as an apology.
I mean WHAT THE HELL?! If the bitch had just apologized, I would have told her it was fine, and meant it. But what the fuck was that? She was so fucking rude. She could have even helped me to pick up my stuff. But noo, she left me there with all my stuff all over the floor and goes off laughing with her friends. I hope her computer eats one of her midterm papers.
So then I have to walk all the way back to my building with a broken bag, which is, by the way, about a 7 minute walk. Then, I have to juggle said broken bag to open the doors, while two girls, who know me, sit there staring. Then, once I am inside, they ask me to do them a favor. Me! The one with the BROKEN BAG, struggling to carry the multiple textbooks and laptop! To do them, lazy asses, a FAVOR! I said no and took the elevator upstairs.
I turned on my computer to have a nice peaceful respite online, when Annoying Friend decides to message me incessantly about some random friend who hates an author she loves. GASP THAT COMPLETES MY LIFE, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME THAT ENTIRELY USELESS DETAIL.
And then Caustic Friend (she's new, you don't know her yet) attacks me on facebook. Now, I bitched Caustic Friend out a little while back for because a selfish bitch and always talking about herself and her problems, and ignoring me, and she apologized, so I was hoping that it might be better. She even asks me what I'm planning on doing (I.E. pursue my dream of being a Music Producer, or stay in univerisity majoring in something I'm good at but don't love [btw, I'm PLANNING to be a music major, I'm a modern languages major at the moment.]) I tell her I'm gonna finish the semester out here, and she's like "Good". And goes on to tell me how pursuing Producing would cost me too much money. And I'm thinking, I already have over 11,000 dollars in loans, a little extra money isn't a big deal. Besides, I'm not a coward like you, and actually intend to pursue my dreams while I'm young, and before I become a crusty old cat lady.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Maybe I should just go to bed before.... Damnit. Who the fuck orders somebody to go to bed just because they are? Yay, let's make Dragonista's day a little worse, shall we? Really. I SHOULD FLEE to bed before somebody decides to try and make my day even worse.
.....There are no salutations I can bring out at this point.
Shut Up.
Time = 6:22
Mood = Exasperated, Stressed, Bonkers....
Music = Lisztomania
What I SHOULD be doing = Writing frantically at my 2000 word paper.
Random fact about me = I read so much manga that I whip out sounds like "nn." and "uwah" and "kyaa" in my every day conversation.
So, there's this one girl who never fails to annoy the hell out of me. I feel really bad, because like, she reminds me of who I used to be, but the difference is, when I was like that, I was like, 13, and she's 18. The first time I met her, I immediately disliked her. That should have been my warning sign, but of course, I ignored it. I mean, I avoided her for a long time at first, but then another friend of mind was close with her, so I decided to give her a chance. Bad. Move.
This girl has issues coming out of her ass. Seriously. And who does she come to to talk about them? Me. Why? I HAVE NO CLUE! I mean, I don't get why she'd trust me more than somebody that she's known for longer, you know? Like, within a couple of days of knowing me, I was already getting all of her problems.
My biggest issue is that I don't know when to stop. I don't realize that I should really avoid somebody until after I'm already knee deep in their shit. And that's not for everbody. I have a couple of friends that I value a lot and don't mind helping with their problems (probably because that's not the basis of our friendship, just a piece). But yeah. So I listen to this chick's problems, even help her get past them a bit, and now she's glued to me.
Where I go, she goes. Seriously. I'm afraid to tell her when I do something, because I know she's gonna follow me, and suddenly this thing that I love which was totally mine suddenly becomes hers too. And that pisses me off. A lot.
And another thing that really bugs me is how she texts with EVERYTHING. She seriously tells me everything. It's like one of those tweeters who tweets like "I just finished a bag of chips." It's like who in hell gives a rats ass about this, and why must you subject me to it?! seriously. Guh. I'm so sick of these texts, that it's too the point that when I receive them, I actually physically groan. I can't help it. That's how much dread I build up with this chick. I wish she'd just get a fucking shrink and move on with her life.
Of course, one of the problems, is that she allowed me to help her to a point, and now all she's doing is sitting in this miserable, twisted state, denying that there's anything else to deal with, and that now that she's dealt with one thing (or rather, found a placebo to distract her), she's totally perfect and fine. WRONG! there's a lot of shit that she needs to work through, and it pisses me off that she can't see that.
And every time something comes out of her mouth, she reminds me of how twistedly messed up she is, and how she refuses to listen to me. I'm so sick and tired of this, you know? I'm tired of people waiting for me to fix their problems while they sit around and do nothing. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT, FOLKS! You gotta do your part too!! Anyway....
I've probably wasted way too much time writing this, and am just as annoyed as I was when I started, so this has served to do little for me except waste my time... -sigh-
To those of you with midterms, good luck.
To those of you without? Lucky ducks.
Toodles!
Mood = Exasperated, Stressed, Bonkers....
Music = Lisztomania
What I SHOULD be doing = Writing frantically at my 2000 word paper.
Random fact about me = I read so much manga that I whip out sounds like "nn." and "uwah" and "kyaa" in my every day conversation.
So, there's this one girl who never fails to annoy the hell out of me. I feel really bad, because like, she reminds me of who I used to be, but the difference is, when I was like that, I was like, 13, and she's 18. The first time I met her, I immediately disliked her. That should have been my warning sign, but of course, I ignored it. I mean, I avoided her for a long time at first, but then another friend of mind was close with her, so I decided to give her a chance. Bad. Move.
This girl has issues coming out of her ass. Seriously. And who does she come to to talk about them? Me. Why? I HAVE NO CLUE! I mean, I don't get why she'd trust me more than somebody that she's known for longer, you know? Like, within a couple of days of knowing me, I was already getting all of her problems.
My biggest issue is that I don't know when to stop. I don't realize that I should really avoid somebody until after I'm already knee deep in their shit. And that's not for everbody. I have a couple of friends that I value a lot and don't mind helping with their problems (probably because that's not the basis of our friendship, just a piece). But yeah. So I listen to this chick's problems, even help her get past them a bit, and now she's glued to me.
Where I go, she goes. Seriously. I'm afraid to tell her when I do something, because I know she's gonna follow me, and suddenly this thing that I love which was totally mine suddenly becomes hers too. And that pisses me off. A lot.
And another thing that really bugs me is how she texts with EVERYTHING. She seriously tells me everything. It's like one of those tweeters who tweets like "I just finished a bag of chips." It's like who in hell gives a rats ass about this, and why must you subject me to it?! seriously. Guh. I'm so sick of these texts, that it's too the point that when I receive them, I actually physically groan. I can't help it. That's how much dread I build up with this chick. I wish she'd just get a fucking shrink and move on with her life.
Of course, one of the problems, is that she allowed me to help her to a point, and now all she's doing is sitting in this miserable, twisted state, denying that there's anything else to deal with, and that now that she's dealt with one thing (or rather, found a placebo to distract her), she's totally perfect and fine. WRONG! there's a lot of shit that she needs to work through, and it pisses me off that she can't see that.
And every time something comes out of her mouth, she reminds me of how twistedly messed up she is, and how she refuses to listen to me. I'm so sick and tired of this, you know? I'm tired of people waiting for me to fix their problems while they sit around and do nothing. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT, FOLKS! You gotta do your part too!! Anyway....
I've probably wasted way too much time writing this, and am just as annoyed as I was when I started, so this has served to do little for me except waste my time... -sigh-
To those of you with midterms, good luck.
To those of you without? Lucky ducks.
Toodles!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Messed Up.
Time = 5:20PM
Mood = Pushed too far
Music = Ghost Town by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Reading/Writing and essay
Random Fact About Me = Injustice pisses me off.
So, there's this one guy who's a friend of one of my friends/people who dump on me. He's a troll, in the ultimate definition of the word. Really, he's one of the few people I can actually come as far as to say that I hate. His life goal is pretty much to piss off those around him, and he claims satisfaction whenever he succeeds. For a while now, I've been refusing to give him a reaction, because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He pushed me too far today. I can handle him being an ass to me, I can usually handle that fine, but when he puts down one of my favorite Authors, and calls me a soviet spy because I love them, I was done. He's such a fucking asshole.
And you know what I think? I think people like that are like that because they're so fucking insecure. I think, they're the kind of people where nobody likes them anyway, so they figure that if they're the biggest asses in the world, then people actually have a reason to hate them. What a miserable, backwards existence. I may hate people like that, but I also pity them. It's such a cowardly little cop out.
The other thing that pisses me off is this friend of mine has some abuse issues, and she's told me that this dude reminds her of her abuser BEFORE he started abusing her. And that's why she's drawn to him. She doesn't even recognize the falacy of that sentence. She's drawn to him because he's like her abuser. Doesn't that mean he has more capacity to become an abuser. DO THESE PEOPLE EVER EVEN LISTEN TO THEMSELVES?! Ugh. It pisses me off so much.
And then this friend of mine says stuff like "Yeah, he's an ass, but I know that he'll be there no matter what when I need him." That's so wrong! I mean, surely there are people who will be there no matter what who AREN'T asses. I mean, even though this stuff pisses me off, it bugs me because she doesn't get what's going on no matter how much I try to explain it to her. I'm still here for her no matter what. I know that if she needed to talk at 3AM, I'd be there, and I'm not an asshole.
Nonetheless, this guy is going to find out what happens when you push me too far. I've kept all my stuff inside because I didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me react, but I'm done with that. I'm going to be brutally honest with this guy because I have nothing to lose. I would never choose him as a friend, and I would feel no loss not having him in my life any more. And who knows, maybe he'll wake up and realize that it is a mad fail to push everybody away by being an ass. Maybe he'll realize that even his GIRLFRIEND (he's an idiot who insists on being "oldfashioned" and calls her his "ladyfriend").
AND ANOTHER THING! He claims to be oldfashioned, and live by oldfashioned morals (including manners). The thing is, manners are developed to make those around you feel as comfortable as possible. Therefore, he is failing at what he's trying to live as his life by striving to make those around him as uncomfortable as possible. I don't know, maybe he just wants somebody to stand up to him. Well, I'm going to be that somebody, because that last push was the straw that broke the camel's back . He can walk all over the rest of the world for all I care, but he won't walk all over me.
Wish me luck!
Mood = Pushed too far
Music = Ghost Town by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Reading/Writing and essay
Random Fact About Me = Injustice pisses me off.
So, there's this one guy who's a friend of one of my friends/people who dump on me. He's a troll, in the ultimate definition of the word. Really, he's one of the few people I can actually come as far as to say that I hate. His life goal is pretty much to piss off those around him, and he claims satisfaction whenever he succeeds. For a while now, I've been refusing to give him a reaction, because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He pushed me too far today. I can handle him being an ass to me, I can usually handle that fine, but when he puts down one of my favorite Authors, and calls me a soviet spy because I love them, I was done. He's such a fucking asshole.
And you know what I think? I think people like that are like that because they're so fucking insecure. I think, they're the kind of people where nobody likes them anyway, so they figure that if they're the biggest asses in the world, then people actually have a reason to hate them. What a miserable, backwards existence. I may hate people like that, but I also pity them. It's such a cowardly little cop out.
The other thing that pisses me off is this friend of mine has some abuse issues, and she's told me that this dude reminds her of her abuser BEFORE he started abusing her. And that's why she's drawn to him. She doesn't even recognize the falacy of that sentence. She's drawn to him because he's like her abuser. Doesn't that mean he has more capacity to become an abuser. DO THESE PEOPLE EVER EVEN LISTEN TO THEMSELVES?! Ugh. It pisses me off so much.
And then this friend of mine says stuff like "Yeah, he's an ass, but I know that he'll be there no matter what when I need him." That's so wrong! I mean, surely there are people who will be there no matter what who AREN'T asses. I mean, even though this stuff pisses me off, it bugs me because she doesn't get what's going on no matter how much I try to explain it to her. I'm still here for her no matter what. I know that if she needed to talk at 3AM, I'd be there, and I'm not an asshole.
Nonetheless, this guy is going to find out what happens when you push me too far. I've kept all my stuff inside because I didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me react, but I'm done with that. I'm going to be brutally honest with this guy because I have nothing to lose. I would never choose him as a friend, and I would feel no loss not having him in my life any more. And who knows, maybe he'll wake up and realize that it is a mad fail to push everybody away by being an ass. Maybe he'll realize that even his GIRLFRIEND (he's an idiot who insists on being "oldfashioned" and calls her his "ladyfriend").
AND ANOTHER THING! He claims to be oldfashioned, and live by oldfashioned morals (including manners). The thing is, manners are developed to make those around you feel as comfortable as possible. Therefore, he is failing at what he's trying to live as his life by striving to make those around him as uncomfortable as possible. I don't know, maybe he just wants somebody to stand up to him. Well, I'm going to be that somebody, because that last push was the straw that broke the camel's back . He can walk all over the rest of the world for all I care, but he won't walk all over me.
Wish me luck!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Biggotry?
Time = 10:00 PM
Mood = Pensive
Music = Rainbow Veins by Owl City
What I SHOULD be doing = Getting ready to go to the show
A random fact about me = I really wish I was Asian. (I'm very Caucasian)
So, first off, the opening ceremonies for the Olympics were kinda EPIC. Except for the whole, malfunctioning cauldron (lol). But it was really cool! I loved their highlight of our indigenous peoples, and I especially loved how much Canada's multiculturalism shone through (I'm really proud of it.) RIP, Nodar Kumartashvili.
Now, onto my topic that I've been contemplating. First of all, I should probably say that I watched the beginning of the opening ceremony in the cafeteria with like, 3/4 of the student body. Joy of all joys, I was sitting by a bigot, who just happens to be a friend of a friend.Ugh... He was so annoying. He never shut up! He made fun of the tribes dancing, couldn't shut up when people were entering, even complained about how Canada would let ANYONE in (referring to North Korea and Ghana.) Suffice to say, I did not stay in the cafeteria. He was way too annoying.
For those of you who don't know what a bigot is..."a prejudiced person who is intolerant of any opinions differing from his/her own." Sometimes being unwavering to what you believe makes sense, but it's the fact that usually bigots don't even bother listening to you, lest you convince them otherwise, and even if there's a grain of truth in what you're saying, usually they shoot you down.
So recently, one of the girls I know, L, has been complaining left and right about Christian bigots. Oh, I know they exist, I've seen them. Judgemental, set in their own ways, condemning anybody else to hell, it's not pretty. But I hear about Christian bigots a lot. People are always complaining about them, and sometimes I wonder if it doesn't get blown out of proportion sometimes, you know? Like, what's wrong with standing up for what you believe? When does that become biggotry.
Really was I find interesting is that when people talk about bigots, usually they're referring to conservative people. You know, anti-abortion, anti-gay rights, that kind of thing. Now, I'm not saying that those people don't exist, I just wonder if we should be looking to see if the reverse is true. Because I think I've met a lot of Liberal bigots.
In fact, I find that if there's complaints about conservative bigots, it comes from a lot of Liberal bigots. They're constantly fighting, but the Liberal bigots don't often get highlighted. Isn't it bigotry to say that somebody else's view is totally wrong? If so, I know a lot of pro-abortion people who fit that bill, laying judgement galore on those who are pro-life. Or even homosexual people who judge and write off heterosexual people. Pop musicians going up Classical musicians.. the list goes on and on.
So then really, aren't we all bigots, in one way or another? I'm sure that it's possible. Everybody feels strongly about something, and it's impossible for everybody's views to line up perfectly. It's scientifically impossible. So then the question is, can we really judge a bigot, when we're one ourselves? And really, who are we to judge what is right and wrong? Just because it's right to you and fits your morals doesn't mean it's right to everybody. You can't expect those around you to fit you're mold. We're all different. Wouldn't it be better to levelheadedly dialogue about stuff and come to a calm collected decision? And then ACCEPT the decisions of others? I think life would be a lot easier if people would just take a second to listen to what comes out of their mouth.
(that being said, I'm starting to wonder if I'm not double standarding myself by writing this post in my blog. Who knows?)
Happy Olympics Day, continued.
Just because I NEEDED to know that...
Time = 4:21 PM
Mood = half happy, half annoyed. Happoyed?
Music = Ghost Town by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Having a shower
Random fact about me = Sometimes I wish my life was a musical.
Here's something that bugs me. Why do people think that you want to hear really depressing news? Like "Here's something I just heard on the news! It disturbed me so much!" It's like Why thank-you, I needed to hear something disturbing. It completed my day. Everybody knows that nobody thinks like that. If you hear something disturbing, keep it to yourself. I mean really.
Okay, so I get it. Sometimes, when you hear something like that, you need to debrief, but I wish people wouldn't always come to me with shit like that. I don't need to hear about who died tragically in an accident as I was leaving the library. And then feel bad because I was out having fun at the mall. It's just not necessary. What's worse is when they ask you if you've heard about it, and when you say no, they immediately decide to inform you. Do people assume your day isn't complete without a little depressing tragedy on the side?
Personally, I'd be absolutely delighted with a day when nothing went wrong, and I actually managed to keep a good mood the whole day. Today's not so bad though, waiting for the olympics makes me feel a bit happier.
Now I just need to shout from the rooftops... KEEP YOUR DEPRESSING NEWS TO YOURSELF! OPTOMISTIC IGNORANCE IS MY LIFESTYLE OF CHOICE.
...even though this blog really doesn't sound like it.
Happy Olympics day.
Mood = half happy, half annoyed. Happoyed?
Music = Ghost Town by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Having a shower
Random fact about me = Sometimes I wish my life was a musical.
Here's something that bugs me. Why do people think that you want to hear really depressing news? Like "Here's something I just heard on the news! It disturbed me so much!" It's like Why thank-you, I needed to hear something disturbing. It completed my day. Everybody knows that nobody thinks like that. If you hear something disturbing, keep it to yourself. I mean really.
Okay, so I get it. Sometimes, when you hear something like that, you need to debrief, but I wish people wouldn't always come to me with shit like that. I don't need to hear about who died tragically in an accident as I was leaving the library. And then feel bad because I was out having fun at the mall. It's just not necessary. What's worse is when they ask you if you've heard about it, and when you say no, they immediately decide to inform you. Do people assume your day isn't complete without a little depressing tragedy on the side?
Personally, I'd be absolutely delighted with a day when nothing went wrong, and I actually managed to keep a good mood the whole day. Today's not so bad though, waiting for the olympics makes me feel a bit happier.
Now I just need to shout from the rooftops... KEEP YOUR DEPRESSING NEWS TO YOURSELF! OPTOMISTIC IGNORANCE IS MY LIFESTYLE OF CHOICE.
...even though this blog really doesn't sound like it.
Happy Olympics day.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
In Other News
Time = 11:19
Mood = Mellow
Music = 1901 by Phoenix
What I SHOULD be doing = I don't know, reading? sleeping?
Really, this isn't gonna be a long one. I was just sitting here, and felt the need to write this one. It's been a nice evening. I backed out of something I was supposed to do with B, which is wonderful, because I didn't really want to be a buffer for her shyness anyway.
What is this "other news" you ask? Well. You don't know it, but I'm totally completely addicted to Orange Flavored tictacs. I don't know why, because anything else orange flavored is DISGUSTING, but for some reason, I love Orange tictacs. Maybe it's because of the maltodextrin. (It's addicting, right? Right.)
At any rate, I just finished a box of them. And then I tore the label off the box , which
looks like this:
And then, after I tore the label off, I took the box apart. It's lying in ruins on my bed, and I'm ever so satisfied with myself.
That is all.
Toodles!
Mood = Mellow
Music = 1901 by Phoenix
What I SHOULD be doing = I don't know, reading? sleeping?
Really, this isn't gonna be a long one. I was just sitting here, and felt the need to write this one. It's been a nice evening. I backed out of something I was supposed to do with B, which is wonderful, because I didn't really want to be a buffer for her shyness anyway.
What is this "other news" you ask? Well. You don't know it, but I'm totally completely addicted to Orange Flavored tictacs. I don't know why, because anything else orange flavored is DISGUSTING, but for some reason, I love Orange tictacs. Maybe it's because of the maltodextrin. (It's addicting, right? Right.)
At any rate, I just finished a box of them. And then I tore the label off the box , which
looks like this:And then, after I tore the label off, I took the box apart. It's lying in ruins on my bed, and I'm ever so satisfied with myself.
That is all.
Toodles!
Pay Attention!
Time = 5:33 PM
Mood = Agitated
Music = Major Tom by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Eating supper
Okay, so first of all, before I even get to what I want to rant about, I have to say, I'm in the cafeteria, and this creepy (and fugly, I might add) fat woman is staring at me. Seriously. She's like, creepying on everybody in the cafeteria and writing in her creepy little notebook. Lol... that being said, I'm also being a creeper typing on my computer. Somehow, what I'm doing seems less creepy. Maybe it's because I'm not a fugly fat woman. Seriously, I feel like if she waited long enough, she'd grow a beard.
-cough- Anyway, moving on. Current rant: Why in hell don't socially awkward people realize that it's THEIR actions that make them socially awkward? Like this one chick who complains to me, B. She's like, epic pessimist, can't see the good in anything. Seriously, I feel like the world might end at any minute if she perchance happens upon a slightly positive sentence. This chick is completely incapable of reading moods. No matter what the conversation is, or how happy the people discussing it, she always finds a way to insert her pessimistic, selfish ass into the conversation, practically insisting that all present focus solely on her.
What's worse is that her haunt happens to be the dorm room directly across from mine, and on the off chance that she isn't off being miserable in some class or another, she's waiting for me to arrive at my room to spring upon me to inform me of the latest news in the END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. (at least her's....)
Her favorite sentence is "This just hasn't been a good day for me." Every time she uses it, I wanna say No shit. This YEAR hasn't been a good year for you. Have you ever even HAD a good year? I mean, it's not like I particularily hate the girl, I just don't like her. The problem is, she's so socially awkward that she has no friends at all. And she seems to think that I'm the person to glom onto (what else is new, right?). Really, I don't have anything against her... I mean, I get the fact that her parents are totally messed up and have messed her up. I get that. It's also good that she acknowledges this fact. But it pisses me off that she tries to convince me to perpetuate her issues, encourage her shyness, and pretty much cater to make her life easier.
But I kind of got off on a tangent. The point is, if socially awkward people would just perk up, and pay attention to the people around them, their lives would get so much easier. If they just started observing and mimicking those around them, they would find that their social skills would increase exponentially. It's all about social cues. You can tell when somebody hates your guts, and when somebody likes being with you. You can tell when somebody ACTUALLY likes what they say they like, and when they're totally lying. I mean, it's not that difficult. All you have to do is PAY ATTENTION.
Cheers.
Mood = Agitated
Music = Major Tom by the Shiny Toy Guns
What I SHOULD be doing = Eating supper
Okay, so first of all, before I even get to what I want to rant about, I have to say, I'm in the cafeteria, and this creepy (and fugly, I might add) fat woman is staring at me. Seriously. She's like, creepying on everybody in the cafeteria and writing in her creepy little notebook. Lol... that being said, I'm also being a creeper typing on my computer. Somehow, what I'm doing seems less creepy. Maybe it's because I'm not a fugly fat woman. Seriously, I feel like if she waited long enough, she'd grow a beard.
-cough- Anyway, moving on. Current rant: Why in hell don't socially awkward people realize that it's THEIR actions that make them socially awkward? Like this one chick who complains to me, B. She's like, epic pessimist, can't see the good in anything. Seriously, I feel like the world might end at any minute if she perchance happens upon a slightly positive sentence. This chick is completely incapable of reading moods. No matter what the conversation is, or how happy the people discussing it, she always finds a way to insert her pessimistic, selfish ass into the conversation, practically insisting that all present focus solely on her.
What's worse is that her haunt happens to be the dorm room directly across from mine, and on the off chance that she isn't off being miserable in some class or another, she's waiting for me to arrive at my room to spring upon me to inform me of the latest news in the END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. (at least her's....)
Her favorite sentence is "This just hasn't been a good day for me." Every time she uses it, I wanna say No shit. This YEAR hasn't been a good year for you. Have you ever even HAD a good year? I mean, it's not like I particularily hate the girl, I just don't like her. The problem is, she's so socially awkward that she has no friends at all. And she seems to think that I'm the person to glom onto (what else is new, right?). Really, I don't have anything against her... I mean, I get the fact that her parents are totally messed up and have messed her up. I get that. It's also good that she acknowledges this fact. But it pisses me off that she tries to convince me to perpetuate her issues, encourage her shyness, and pretty much cater to make her life easier.
But I kind of got off on a tangent. The point is, if socially awkward people would just perk up, and pay attention to the people around them, their lives would get so much easier. If they just started observing and mimicking those around them, they would find that their social skills would increase exponentially. It's all about social cues. You can tell when somebody hates your guts, and when somebody likes being with you. You can tell when somebody ACTUALLY likes what they say they like, and when they're totally lying. I mean, it's not that difficult. All you have to do is PAY ATTENTION.
Cheers.
Shoot me now
Time = 1:51 PM
Mood = Stressed
Music = Lisztomania by Pheonix
What I SHOULD be doing = Putting together an outline for an essay
I have this issue with people who assume that the only thing that I have to do is listen to their problems. Really, what I hate more is my inability to tell people that I don't have time for them. Within the next two hours, I have to get to a post office to mail my last loan papers, and write an outline. Why am I not finished? Because somebody needed to talk.
To be completely honest, I don't even remember what she said. Yeesh, I hope she's not gonna refer back to that conversation, because it is totally out of my head now. What I do know is that we were in the music building. This chick, she's a voice major, but her voice.. ack. Like, she told me once that her teacher told her not to sing so much in her throat, and I just thought her teacher was being picky. She wasn't.
This girl, we'll call her... L... when she sings, she does not sound nice. She sounds like she's trying to shove her tonsils up her nose with her voice. So not only is it painfully nasal, but because she's not using the right pieces of her body to produce sound, she can't keep a note steady, and she's always changing keys. I mean, I'm a pianist, so I've never had voice lessons, but I happen to know that a voice major should NOT sound like that. I hope her teacher whips it out of her. 'cause I mean, she has the potential for a nice voice, but all the posturing and stunting she does to try and make herself sound good... yeah, it doesn't work. She sounds like shit.
And then like, she talks about how she's totally a soprano.. I may not be a singer, but I at least know the differences between a soprano and an alto. She's definitely an alto. Of course, I've never heard her sing soprano, but based on her speaking range alone, I have NO idea how in hell she'd be able to hit G5 (that's one G up from middle G).
And now I have to write an essay about a book I didn't even care about, and it has to be good because she gave me a freaking week to put the outline together. Did I? No. That's because I'm the queen of procrastinators. Of course, it doesn't help that every time I sit down to do some homework, somebody interupts me. It's like they think my school life exists only for them, and hey, I'm smart, so fuck letting me actually do my best, just as long as I pass, it's fine, right? Wrong, dumbass!
Ah well. I guess I should stop procrastinating and get on it.
Peace out, peeps.
Mood = Stressed
Music = Lisztomania by Pheonix
What I SHOULD be doing = Putting together an outline for an essay
I have this issue with people who assume that the only thing that I have to do is listen to their problems. Really, what I hate more is my inability to tell people that I don't have time for them. Within the next two hours, I have to get to a post office to mail my last loan papers, and write an outline. Why am I not finished? Because somebody needed to talk.
To be completely honest, I don't even remember what she said. Yeesh, I hope she's not gonna refer back to that conversation, because it is totally out of my head now. What I do know is that we were in the music building. This chick, she's a voice major, but her voice.. ack. Like, she told me once that her teacher told her not to sing so much in her throat, and I just thought her teacher was being picky. She wasn't.
This girl, we'll call her... L... when she sings, she does not sound nice. She sounds like she's trying to shove her tonsils up her nose with her voice. So not only is it painfully nasal, but because she's not using the right pieces of her body to produce sound, she can't keep a note steady, and she's always changing keys. I mean, I'm a pianist, so I've never had voice lessons, but I happen to know that a voice major should NOT sound like that. I hope her teacher whips it out of her. 'cause I mean, she has the potential for a nice voice, but all the posturing and stunting she does to try and make herself sound good... yeah, it doesn't work. She sounds like shit.
And then like, she talks about how she's totally a soprano.. I may not be a singer, but I at least know the differences between a soprano and an alto. She's definitely an alto. Of course, I've never heard her sing soprano, but based on her speaking range alone, I have NO idea how in hell she'd be able to hit G5 (that's one G up from middle G).
And now I have to write an essay about a book I didn't even care about, and it has to be good because she gave me a freaking week to put the outline together. Did I? No. That's because I'm the queen of procrastinators. Of course, it doesn't help that every time I sit down to do some homework, somebody interupts me. It's like they think my school life exists only for them, and hey, I'm smart, so fuck letting me actually do my best, just as long as I pass, it's fine, right? Wrong, dumbass!
Ah well. I guess I should stop procrastinating and get on it.
Peace out, peeps.
Do I?
Time = 12:05 AM
Mood = Vaguely annoyed
Music = Fences, by Paramore
What I SHOULD be doing = Homework and then sleeping.
You know, I think one of the things that bothers me the most is when people make assumptions about me. I mean, I know I'm a hard person to crack, like, an onion with many layers, or shit like that, but if you don't know everything about me, don't ASSUME, based on what you do know!
Like, I used to be a really shy kid. Like, to the point of physically SHAKING at the thought of talking to somebody I didn't know. I've gotten better at it now, I can actually start conversations, and all that (albeit, I still get a HUGE adrenaline rush when I speak out in class). Anyway, so I meet this girl, and she's OBVIOUSLY shy, uncomfortable, and new to the school. So I figure, hey, why not strike up a conversation. All is well, until I off-handedly mention that I used to be shy. Yeeesh, I shouldn't have done that.
Now she's clinging to me like.. I don't know... like an octopus clings to some REALLY tasty fish. (only I don't think she's gonna eat me... just my time). At any rate... She now assumes that I'm STILL painfully shy, and that I need her as much as she needs me. So NATURALLY, her mindset is that of "I'm doing you a favor by hanging out with me" while deep down inside, she's going "OH GOD DON'T LEAVE ME I HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS".
And hey, she's an okay person. It's just the clinging that I have issues with. I have a lot of friends, and I don't need somebody who needs me so badly that she becomes viciously competitive around any of my other friends. Get over it an move on! I will be her friend, but she needs to find other friends. Other human beings to spend her time with. If she's shy, it's no excuse! I have a very wide network of friends, and I'm shy.
I'm really starting to notice that most of the time, when people say things about themselves (specifically in the negative) they're excuses. "I'm shy so I don't know how to talk to people..." really means "I'm too lazy to go out and make friends, so everybody should come seek me out and put tons of effort into getting to know ME without me having to put any effort in" I'll touch on other excuses later, I'm sure.
So it really bugs me, when people say stuff like "You're shy like me, you totally understand what I'm dealing with." ...Do I? Do I really?
And the really rich one is the one about abuse. Don't get me wrong. Abuse sucks. I think people who abuse others should get SERIOUS help and not be released to the public til they go through a serious personality change. I've had to deal with emotional abuse before, it's not fun.
But the thing is, I've DEALT with it. I've gotten counseling for it, I have a wide network of people who are there to support me, and the person who abused me has GONE through serious personality changes, and I'm closer to them than I've ever been.
So what I hate, is when these kids, who have been abused, come to me to talk, without actually acknowledging abuse. They give these long winded excuses for their abusers, talk about how it's really their fault that they were abused, or about how hard life is, and how they can't seem to move on. All VERY valid points. But when I suggest a counselor, out come even MORE excuses.
My favorite one is "My abuser might find out and I don't know what I'd do." YOU GET OUT FROM UNDER THEIR FUCKING THUMB, DUMBASS.
Or there's, "But I don't really need a counselor. I can deal with this on my own." CLEARLY YOU CAN'T, OR YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO ME!
And I really hate it when they're say, living with the family member that abused them, claiming that "They're different now" despite the fact that half the behavior described to me still counts as abuse. And then there's the clincher of the WHOLE family allowing it to continue despite the fact that it's been uncovered. I don't understand how in HELL people cannot grasp the necessity of counseling. It is NOT possible to get over this on your own. Even if you think a counselor is wasting your time, don't you think the PROFESSIONAL who WENT TO FUCKING SCHOOL might know better than you do? Seriously.
But what really gets me, is these people, who are in serious denial, and possible perpetuation of whatever shit they're dealing with, lumping me in with them. "You've been abused, you're where I'm at." ..Am I? or what about "You still talk to your abuser (yeesh, I can't call them that any more!!), aren't you perpetuating?" ...NO, I got counseling, dumbass.
Long story short? Get Counseling. Not only will you benefit, but you might actually keep a couple of friends that you're using right now. (Because God knows, if you keep this up, they might not stick around for long)...Not many people are as patient as I am.
Huaagh. Well, that's enough for tonight, I think.
Peace out, people.
Mood = Vaguely annoyed
Music = Fences, by Paramore
What I SHOULD be doing = Homework and then sleeping.
You know, I think one of the things that bothers me the most is when people make assumptions about me. I mean, I know I'm a hard person to crack, like, an onion with many layers, or shit like that, but if you don't know everything about me, don't ASSUME, based on what you do know!
Like, I used to be a really shy kid. Like, to the point of physically SHAKING at the thought of talking to somebody I didn't know. I've gotten better at it now, I can actually start conversations, and all that (albeit, I still get a HUGE adrenaline rush when I speak out in class). Anyway, so I meet this girl, and she's OBVIOUSLY shy, uncomfortable, and new to the school. So I figure, hey, why not strike up a conversation. All is well, until I off-handedly mention that I used to be shy. Yeeesh, I shouldn't have done that.
Now she's clinging to me like.. I don't know... like an octopus clings to some REALLY tasty fish. (only I don't think she's gonna eat me... just my time). At any rate... She now assumes that I'm STILL painfully shy, and that I need her as much as she needs me. So NATURALLY, her mindset is that of "I'm doing you a favor by hanging out with me" while deep down inside, she's going "OH GOD DON'T LEAVE ME I HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS".
And hey, she's an okay person. It's just the clinging that I have issues with. I have a lot of friends, and I don't need somebody who needs me so badly that she becomes viciously competitive around any of my other friends. Get over it an move on! I will be her friend, but she needs to find other friends. Other human beings to spend her time with. If she's shy, it's no excuse! I have a very wide network of friends, and I'm shy.
I'm really starting to notice that most of the time, when people say things about themselves (specifically in the negative) they're excuses. "I'm shy so I don't know how to talk to people..." really means "I'm too lazy to go out and make friends, so everybody should come seek me out and put tons of effort into getting to know ME without me having to put any effort in" I'll touch on other excuses later, I'm sure.
So it really bugs me, when people say stuff like "You're shy like me, you totally understand what I'm dealing with." ...Do I? Do I really?
And the really rich one is the one about abuse. Don't get me wrong. Abuse sucks. I think people who abuse others should get SERIOUS help and not be released to the public til they go through a serious personality change. I've had to deal with emotional abuse before, it's not fun.
But the thing is, I've DEALT with it. I've gotten counseling for it, I have a wide network of people who are there to support me, and the person who abused me has GONE through serious personality changes, and I'm closer to them than I've ever been.
So what I hate, is when these kids, who have been abused, come to me to talk, without actually acknowledging abuse. They give these long winded excuses for their abusers, talk about how it's really their fault that they were abused, or about how hard life is, and how they can't seem to move on. All VERY valid points. But when I suggest a counselor, out come even MORE excuses.
My favorite one is "My abuser might find out and I don't know what I'd do." YOU GET OUT FROM UNDER THEIR FUCKING THUMB, DUMBASS.
Or there's, "But I don't really need a counselor. I can deal with this on my own." CLEARLY YOU CAN'T, OR YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO ME!
And I really hate it when they're say, living with the family member that abused them, claiming that "They're different now" despite the fact that half the behavior described to me still counts as abuse. And then there's the clincher of the WHOLE family allowing it to continue despite the fact that it's been uncovered. I don't understand how in HELL people cannot grasp the necessity of counseling. It is NOT possible to get over this on your own. Even if you think a counselor is wasting your time, don't you think the PROFESSIONAL who WENT TO FUCKING SCHOOL might know better than you do? Seriously.
But what really gets me, is these people, who are in serious denial, and possible perpetuation of whatever shit they're dealing with, lumping me in with them. "You've been abused, you're where I'm at." ..Am I? or what about "You still talk to your abuser (yeesh, I can't call them that any more!!), aren't you perpetuating?" ...NO, I got counseling, dumbass.
Long story short? Get Counseling. Not only will you benefit, but you might actually keep a couple of friends that you're using right now. (Because God knows, if you keep this up, they might not stick around for long)...Not many people are as patient as I am.
Huaagh. Well, that's enough for tonight, I think.
Peace out, people.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
To be Brutally!Honest
Alrighty, well, I don't know how this is going to turn out. I don't even know if anybody is going to read this, but I figure, I really need an outlet, so where better to outlet than a blog? Am I right? Of course I'm right.
Here's a brief introduction of me, which will probably also serve as an explanation of the purpose of this blog. Pretty much, I attract people with issues like a flame draws moths. They come to me from all corners of the globe, it seems, people with bulimia, anorexia, bipolar disorder, people who have been abused and refuse to acknowledge it. Sounds like a fullfilling job of a counselor, right? Only one problem. I'm not a counselor. I'm an 18-year-old music major. There is NO PSYCHOLOGY in my university bones. I'd like to add, that most of these people are older than me, but they're coming to me for advice.
Again, this doesn't seem like that big of a deal, right? I listen, give them the advice that I can give them, and they get better, right? Wrong. They come to me BECAUSE I'm not a counselor, and therefore, they don't have to take any advice that I give them. The result, is multitudes of people knocking on my door to vomit their emotionally charged issues into my lap, and leave without resolution, only to return a week later to regurgitate the same issues into my lap again. And for some reason, these people are the ones I attract as friends.
Simply put, I'm really getting sick of it. The only problem is, I look at their crying faces, and immediately, my mind goes blank. I remember when I was alone with nobody to listen to me, and all I want to do is help them. So time after time, I throw away all of those things that I keep trying to put up to protect me from the exhaustion that is carrying all of these people's problems. Pair this exhaustion with a full course load, a weaksauce immune system, and the fact that at this current moment, I have at least five people coming to me on a regular basis, and you get me being fed up.
I'll reiterate this in mathematical terms.
(full course load) + (no immune system) + 5(issues)^regularity - (Emotional Energy) = ENOUGH
So what is this blog? Well, this blog is an attempt to keep my sanity. A place for me to put all my negative, bitchy thoughts that I don't have the bravery to say out loud, so that I don't have to keep them inside and let them fester. It's also so I don't wind up tearing these poor girls to shreds. Who knows, maybe I'll actually find a way to tell them to take their problems elsewhere without completely destroying them.
Here's a brief introduction of me, which will probably also serve as an explanation of the purpose of this blog. Pretty much, I attract people with issues like a flame draws moths. They come to me from all corners of the globe, it seems, people with bulimia, anorexia, bipolar disorder, people who have been abused and refuse to acknowledge it. Sounds like a fullfilling job of a counselor, right? Only one problem. I'm not a counselor. I'm an 18-year-old music major. There is NO PSYCHOLOGY in my university bones. I'd like to add, that most of these people are older than me, but they're coming to me for advice.
Again, this doesn't seem like that big of a deal, right? I listen, give them the advice that I can give them, and they get better, right? Wrong. They come to me BECAUSE I'm not a counselor, and therefore, they don't have to take any advice that I give them. The result, is multitudes of people knocking on my door to vomit their emotionally charged issues into my lap, and leave without resolution, only to return a week later to regurgitate the same issues into my lap again. And for some reason, these people are the ones I attract as friends.
Simply put, I'm really getting sick of it. The only problem is, I look at their crying faces, and immediately, my mind goes blank. I remember when I was alone with nobody to listen to me, and all I want to do is help them. So time after time, I throw away all of those things that I keep trying to put up to protect me from the exhaustion that is carrying all of these people's problems. Pair this exhaustion with a full course load, a weaksauce immune system, and the fact that at this current moment, I have at least five people coming to me on a regular basis, and you get me being fed up.
I'll reiterate this in mathematical terms.
(full course load) + (no immune system) + 5(issues)^regularity - (Emotional Energy) = ENOUGH
So what is this blog? Well, this blog is an attempt to keep my sanity. A place for me to put all my negative, bitchy thoughts that I don't have the bravery to say out loud, so that I don't have to keep them inside and let them fester. It's also so I don't wind up tearing these poor girls to shreds. Who knows, maybe I'll actually find a way to tell them to take their problems elsewhere without completely destroying them.
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