Time = 11: 05PM
Mood = Annoyed
Music = Terminals by Relient K (on repeat)
What I SHOULD be doing = I have nooo idea
Random fact about me = I am allergic to mustard.
So, Really, I can't go into a lot of details about this. Actually, I don't really want to go into a lot of detail about this. You don't even need to know what this is about. I just need to spazz. This is probably going to be the shortest blog in the history of To Be Brutally Honest, but here it is, nonetheless.
DEAR RANDOM PERSON,
I HATE YOUR IDEAS, THEY FUCKING SUCK.
NO LOVE AT ALL,
IN FACT, FUCK YOU,
No love,
Dragonista.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Let it gooooooooo
Time = 11:43PM
Mood = vaguely annoyed/slightly amused
Music = Alfie by Lily Allen
What I SHOULD be doing = getting ready to sleep
Random fact about me = I've named all of my electronics.
Okay, so, here's something that I think is both funny and tragic. There's this girl, who I'm not really friends with. She's friends with another friend of mine, and because I try to be nice, I've been nice to her. She's made it quite clear that she doesn't like me, and that, by extension, has made me dislike her. If only because she's made snap judgments about me and always makes herself out to be the victim of situations that I'm not even being mean about.
Well anyways, enough about her. For the sake of making fun of her, because I'm feeling especially snarky tonight, we're gonna call her Gerbil. Well anyway, since I came home for the summer, and left my University, I haven't so much as heard boo from Gerbil. And frankly, I'm quite content with this. I don't like her, so I'm happy to be off of her radar and not have to tolerate her.
Well, out of the blue, she facebook messages me, and is all "OMFG I CANNOT GET AHOLD OF OUR MUTUAL FRIEND AND IT'S URGENT". To which really, I was like l.o.l. Well, I made suggestions of why MF (mutual friend) wasn't on the phone, not limited to "maybe her phone is dead" and "maybe she's driving" Well, Gerbil knows MF's schedule, apparently, and knew exactly where MF would be, and didn't get why MF wasn't answering her phone. So what does Gerbil do? Why, Gerbil makes /me/ call MF, just in case MF just isn't answering for Gerbil.
Laughing the whole way, I obliged, and, surprise surprise, couldn't get ahold of MF. Which I told her. Now I assumed that this would be the end of it. Gerbil's made it very clear that she doesn't like me, so I assumed that she wouldn't want to talk to me once I'd lived out my usefulness. I assumed wrong. No, instead, she continues to fill me in on all of her plans and why MF needs to call Gerbil, or else everything's going to go wrong in the morning! -gasp-
Okay, honestly, I think we can all guess what I was thinking. For those of you who can't guess, here it is: I was thinking "Do you really think that I give a fuck about this? Why should I care about your shit and anxiety when you're not even my friend. Oh so sad and funny and clingy. Just let it go, muffin, you're not as important as you think you are." Yup. Okay, so I probably played that up a bit and added some words, but that's the gist of it.
On a totally, completely unrelated tangent, I am delighted to announce that Whiny and Annoying are not coming back to school next year! Whiny doesn't have enough money. I feel kinda bad about delighting in her misfortune, but dude, all I can think about is that there's NO WAY that she's going to REQUEST ME AS HER ROOMMATE. Therefore, I am delighted. As for Annoying, she's taking a year off to go to South Africa. I think she's looking for closure, and frankly, all I can say is "good on ya!" I hope she gets closure, and I couldn't be happier that she's not getting closure anywhere near me! The further away, the better!
Alright, darlings, that's the update on Dragonista.
Lots of love,
Dragonista.
Mood = vaguely annoyed/slightly amused
Music = Alfie by Lily Allen
What I SHOULD be doing = getting ready to sleep
Random fact about me = I've named all of my electronics.
Okay, so, here's something that I think is both funny and tragic. There's this girl, who I'm not really friends with. She's friends with another friend of mine, and because I try to be nice, I've been nice to her. She's made it quite clear that she doesn't like me, and that, by extension, has made me dislike her. If only because she's made snap judgments about me and always makes herself out to be the victim of situations that I'm not even being mean about.
Well anyways, enough about her. For the sake of making fun of her, because I'm feeling especially snarky tonight, we're gonna call her Gerbil. Well anyway, since I came home for the summer, and left my University, I haven't so much as heard boo from Gerbil. And frankly, I'm quite content with this. I don't like her, so I'm happy to be off of her radar and not have to tolerate her.
Well, out of the blue, she facebook messages me, and is all "OMFG I CANNOT GET AHOLD OF OUR MUTUAL FRIEND AND IT'S URGENT". To which really, I was like l.o.l. Well, I made suggestions of why MF (mutual friend) wasn't on the phone, not limited to "maybe her phone is dead" and "maybe she's driving" Well, Gerbil knows MF's schedule, apparently, and knew exactly where MF would be, and didn't get why MF wasn't answering her phone. So what does Gerbil do? Why, Gerbil makes /me/ call MF, just in case MF just isn't answering for Gerbil.
Laughing the whole way, I obliged, and, surprise surprise, couldn't get ahold of MF. Which I told her. Now I assumed that this would be the end of it. Gerbil's made it very clear that she doesn't like me, so I assumed that she wouldn't want to talk to me once I'd lived out my usefulness. I assumed wrong. No, instead, she continues to fill me in on all of her plans and why MF needs to call Gerbil, or else everything's going to go wrong in the morning! -gasp-
Okay, honestly, I think we can all guess what I was thinking. For those of you who can't guess, here it is: I was thinking "Do you really think that I give a fuck about this? Why should I care about your shit and anxiety when you're not even my friend. Oh so sad and funny and clingy. Just let it go, muffin, you're not as important as you think you are." Yup. Okay, so I probably played that up a bit and added some words, but that's the gist of it.
On a totally, completely unrelated tangent, I am delighted to announce that Whiny and Annoying are not coming back to school next year! Whiny doesn't have enough money. I feel kinda bad about delighting in her misfortune, but dude, all I can think about is that there's NO WAY that she's going to REQUEST ME AS HER ROOMMATE. Therefore, I am delighted. As for Annoying, she's taking a year off to go to South Africa. I think she's looking for closure, and frankly, all I can say is "good on ya!" I hope she gets closure, and I couldn't be happier that she's not getting closure anywhere near me! The further away, the better!
Alright, darlings, that's the update on Dragonista.
Lots of love,
Dragonista.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Questions, Queries, Ponderances...
Time = 1:41 AM
Mood = Tired
Music = Pleasure (pleasure) by Bang Camaro
What I SHOULD be doing = Sleeping, like as not.
Random face about me = Every morning I wake up with a random song stuck in my head.
So I've been thinking, and I've realized a couple of things. The first thing is that I do not handle stress well. And when I say stress, I really mean anything that puts stress on me emotionally. Whether that be an unexpected deadline, manipulations coming from multiple sources, not having a steady place to call home, or even pressure to do something that I will eventually get around to. Clearly, all of these things have happened to me recently. Why? Because life is a nasty thing and likes to pile things onto me instead of letting me deal with things one at a time.
When I get stressed, I just shut down, and no amount of coaxing can get me back to work. The only thing to do is let me recover, and then I'll work as quickly as I can without rushing. But all of this has made me wonder why I am so constantly unsatisfied with life. Why is it that one small action of my Mom or my Aunt leaves me feeling uncontrollably perturbed? Why am I so focused on receiving the approval of my friends?
I'm starting to realize that I can't coast through life as a perfectionist. Sometimes, life gets messy, and the only thing you can do is say "well, this is a shit hole." What are you going to do? No matter how much dish soap you pour into a shit hole, it's still a shit hole. It just might smell a little bit less like one. But if you look at it, you know exactly what it is. Life would be so much easier if people stopped trying to pour dish soap into their shit holes, and just called a spade a spade. Rather than running around trying to cover up the smell, why not work at the mess piece by piece until it's cleaned up?
Another thing I'm starting to realize is that I need to surround myself with people who like me. This sounds stupid, but it makes sense. Rather than surrounding myself with people that I constantly feel like I have to be better - to live up to their standards, I can surround myself with people who like me for me. All my faults included. I feel like this is very idealistic, and the pessimistic optimist inside of me wonders if it would ever actually work in this world.
What I don't get is why everybody is so damn appearance oriented! The president has bowel movements just like the rest of us. It's a fact of life. Paris Hilton gets depressed and stuffs her face with chocolate. She's female, she's got to have done it. So why do we put these people up on a pedestal of perfection? We know they're not perfect, so why do we expect them to be perfect? Why do models have to starve themselves to be in the public eye? Where did all of these social stigmas come from? And maybe the biggest question of all.... Why aren't people thinking about this?
Someone I know told me today, "Freedom is just an illusion". Now this is extreme, but I've been thinking about it. Freedom is an illusion. They say we're free to choose what we wear, but every season change comes with new styles, and god forbid if you're wearing something from last season! Radio stations play the most popular songs, doing stuff like top ten. They're saying, "everybody else is listening to this, why aren't you?" I'm not a big conspiracy theorist, but think about it. Our entire lives are dictated by others. We work hard to impress someone. We work hard to get money to buy the clothes and the trinkets and the music that are the must haves of the season. We tread lightly to avoid hurting people's feelings, or we tread heartlessly to hurt people's feelings. We rely on other people for opinions on ourselves.
Actually, that one deserves an entire paragraph of it's own. Why rely on people's opinions of you when they come out with things like "You're fat" or "You're an ugly cow" or "You'll never amount to anything"? If you let people talk you down like that, then you'll talk yourself down like that. And the result? incredibly low self esteem. The result of low self esteem is fishing for more compliments, hoping somebody will tell you that you're worth something. Inevitably, because you don't believe in yourself, people will put you down. They will see you as an easy target to build themselves, and crumble your fragile self esteem. And thus it becomes a vicious cycle. What if the entire world stopped caring what other people thought? What if people started doing what they loved, loving how they felt, and feeling without inhibitions? I know, right, revolutionary idea.
Think on it.
Dragonista.
Mood = Tired
Music = Pleasure (pleasure) by Bang Camaro
What I SHOULD be doing = Sleeping, like as not.
Random face about me = Every morning I wake up with a random song stuck in my head.
So I've been thinking, and I've realized a couple of things. The first thing is that I do not handle stress well. And when I say stress, I really mean anything that puts stress on me emotionally. Whether that be an unexpected deadline, manipulations coming from multiple sources, not having a steady place to call home, or even pressure to do something that I will eventually get around to. Clearly, all of these things have happened to me recently. Why? Because life is a nasty thing and likes to pile things onto me instead of letting me deal with things one at a time.
When I get stressed, I just shut down, and no amount of coaxing can get me back to work. The only thing to do is let me recover, and then I'll work as quickly as I can without rushing. But all of this has made me wonder why I am so constantly unsatisfied with life. Why is it that one small action of my Mom or my Aunt leaves me feeling uncontrollably perturbed? Why am I so focused on receiving the approval of my friends?
I'm starting to realize that I can't coast through life as a perfectionist. Sometimes, life gets messy, and the only thing you can do is say "well, this is a shit hole." What are you going to do? No matter how much dish soap you pour into a shit hole, it's still a shit hole. It just might smell a little bit less like one. But if you look at it, you know exactly what it is. Life would be so much easier if people stopped trying to pour dish soap into their shit holes, and just called a spade a spade. Rather than running around trying to cover up the smell, why not work at the mess piece by piece until it's cleaned up?
Another thing I'm starting to realize is that I need to surround myself with people who like me. This sounds stupid, but it makes sense. Rather than surrounding myself with people that I constantly feel like I have to be better - to live up to their standards, I can surround myself with people who like me for me. All my faults included. I feel like this is very idealistic, and the pessimistic optimist inside of me wonders if it would ever actually work in this world.
What I don't get is why everybody is so damn appearance oriented! The president has bowel movements just like the rest of us. It's a fact of life. Paris Hilton gets depressed and stuffs her face with chocolate. She's female, she's got to have done it. So why do we put these people up on a pedestal of perfection? We know they're not perfect, so why do we expect them to be perfect? Why do models have to starve themselves to be in the public eye? Where did all of these social stigmas come from? And maybe the biggest question of all.... Why aren't people thinking about this?
Someone I know told me today, "Freedom is just an illusion". Now this is extreme, but I've been thinking about it. Freedom is an illusion. They say we're free to choose what we wear, but every season change comes with new styles, and god forbid if you're wearing something from last season! Radio stations play the most popular songs, doing stuff like top ten. They're saying, "everybody else is listening to this, why aren't you?" I'm not a big conspiracy theorist, but think about it. Our entire lives are dictated by others. We work hard to impress someone. We work hard to get money to buy the clothes and the trinkets and the music that are the must haves of the season. We tread lightly to avoid hurting people's feelings, or we tread heartlessly to hurt people's feelings. We rely on other people for opinions on ourselves.
Actually, that one deserves an entire paragraph of it's own. Why rely on people's opinions of you when they come out with things like "You're fat" or "You're an ugly cow" or "You'll never amount to anything"? If you let people talk you down like that, then you'll talk yourself down like that. And the result? incredibly low self esteem. The result of low self esteem is fishing for more compliments, hoping somebody will tell you that you're worth something. Inevitably, because you don't believe in yourself, people will put you down. They will see you as an easy target to build themselves, and crumble your fragile self esteem. And thus it becomes a vicious cycle. What if the entire world stopped caring what other people thought? What if people started doing what they loved, loving how they felt, and feeling without inhibitions? I know, right, revolutionary idea.
Think on it.
Dragonista.
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