What I meant to say was...

Time = 12: 23

Mood = ill

Music = The dulcet sound of... AN ANGEL'S VOICE

What I SHOULD be doing = Idk... waltzing with a man-eating monkey, or something?

Random fact about me = In my mind.... I'm quite the seductress. lmao... not really... but we can pretend, no?

You know what's really annoying? when you have something to say and you can't say it. Like, when you're sitting with somebody, and they're annoying the hell out of you, and all these words that you'd just LOVE to say come welling up into your brain, but somehow, there's this disconnect between brain and mouth. It's like Brain goes HEY, YOU, SAY THIS! and Mouth goes LAWL NO WAY IN HELL! TAKE THAT, BITCHES!

... I think that's a pretty accurate description. So anyway... I wonder why that is. I wonder if it's because you're too nice to say something that might potentially destroy someone... or maybe too cowardly to actually come right out and say what you're thinking... (and by you, of course, I mean me. Maybe it's actually a really lucky thing that I can't say what I'm thinking when I think it. I mean... if the people I write about on here heard me say what I had to say flat out to their faces, I don't know if their tiny little psyches could handle it.

And... y'know... I don't want to single handedly drive them to their insanity.

So the question is... How can you say what you mean to say and get off without killing anybody, maiming anybody's psyche, and without destroying any respect that others have for you...

And for that matter, why in the hell does it matter so much what people think of you?! I'd like to think that the people who really matter - that is, the people who really know me - would know better than to think I was being malicious for the hell of it.

But somehow, whenever I want to say something like "FOR HEAVENS SAKE, WOMAN, TRY TO BE A LITTLE OPTIMISTIC EVERY NOW AND AGAIN! IT WON'T KILL YOU!", it's like the words catch in my throat and I can't seem to get them out.

Maybe it's because I know I'll regret it once I'll say it. I don't know... But what I do know, is when I let myself think this stuff, and write it out, I feel better. But when I just hold it in and let it fester... well... look up fester... it's a good description.

If my thoughts are fragmented, I apologize. I probably have a fever, as I'm not thinking totally straight, but I needed to think about this.

Cheers.