Do I?

Time = 12:05 AM

Mood = Vaguely annoyed

Music = Fences, by Paramore

What I SHOULD be doing = Homework and then sleeping.

You know, I think one of the things that bothers me the most is when people make assumptions about me. I mean, I know I'm a hard person to crack, like, an onion with many layers, or shit like that, but if you don't know everything about me, don't ASSUME, based on what you do know!

Like, I used to be a really shy kid. Like, to the point of physically SHAKING at the thought of talking to somebody I didn't know. I've gotten better at it now, I can actually start conversations, and all that (albeit, I still get a HUGE adrenaline rush when I speak out in class). Anyway, so I meet this girl, and she's OBVIOUSLY shy, uncomfortable, and new to the school. So I figure, hey, why not strike up a conversation. All is well, until I off-handedly mention that I used to be shy. Yeeesh, I shouldn't have done that.

Now she's clinging to me like.. I don't know... like an octopus clings to some REALLY tasty fish. (only I don't think she's gonna eat me... just my time). At any rate... She now assumes that I'm STILL painfully shy, and that I need her as much as she needs me. So NATURALLY, her mindset is that of "I'm doing you a favor by hanging out with me" while deep down inside, she's going "OH GOD DON'T LEAVE ME I HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS".

And hey, she's an okay person. It's just the clinging that I have issues with. I have a lot of friends, and I don't need somebody who needs me so badly that she becomes viciously competitive around any of my other friends. Get over it an move on! I will be her friend, but she needs to find other friends. Other human beings to spend her time with. If she's shy, it's no excuse! I have a very wide network of friends, and I'm shy.

I'm really starting to notice that most of the time, when people say things about themselves (specifically in the negative) they're excuses. "I'm shy so I don't know how to talk to people..." really means "I'm too lazy to go out and make friends, so everybody should come seek me out and put tons of effort into getting to know ME without me having to put any effort in" I'll touch on other excuses later, I'm sure.

So it really bugs me, when people say stuff like "You're shy like me, you totally understand what I'm dealing with." ...Do I? Do I really?

And the really rich one is the one about abuse. Don't get me wrong. Abuse sucks. I think people who abuse others should get SERIOUS help and not be released to the public til they go through a serious personality change. I've had to deal with emotional abuse before, it's not fun.

But the thing is, I've DEALT with it. I've gotten counseling for it, I have a wide network of people who are there to support me, and the person who abused me has GONE through serious personality changes, and I'm closer to them than I've ever been.

So what I hate, is when these kids, who have been abused, come to me to talk, without actually acknowledging abuse. They give these long winded excuses for their abusers, talk about how it's really their fault that they were abused, or about how hard life is, and how they can't seem to move on. All VERY valid points. But when I suggest a counselor, out come even MORE excuses.

My favorite one is "My abuser might find out and I don't know what I'd do." YOU GET OUT FROM UNDER THEIR FUCKING THUMB, DUMBASS.

Or there's, "But I don't really need a counselor. I can deal with this on my own." CLEARLY YOU CAN'T, OR YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO ME!

And I really hate it when they're say, living with the family member that abused them, claiming that "They're different now" despite the fact that half the behavior described to me still counts as abuse. And then there's the clincher of the WHOLE family allowing it to continue despite the fact that it's been uncovered. I don't understand how in HELL people cannot grasp the necessity of counseling. It is NOT possible to get over this on your own. Even if you think a counselor is wasting your time, don't you think the PROFESSIONAL who WENT TO FUCKING SCHOOL might know better than you do? Seriously.

But what really gets me, is these people, who are in serious denial, and possible perpetuation of whatever shit they're dealing with, lumping me in with them. "You've been abused, you're where I'm at." ..Am I? or what about "You still talk to your abuser (yeesh, I can't call them that any more!!), aren't you perpetuating?" ...NO, I got counseling, dumbass.

Long story short? Get Counseling. Not only will you benefit, but you might actually keep a couple of friends that you're using right now. (Because God knows, if you keep this up, they might not stick around for long)...Not many people are as patient as I am.

Huaagh. Well, that's enough for tonight, I think.

Peace out, people.