Alrighty, well, I don't know how this is going to turn out. I don't even know if anybody is going to read this, but I figure, I really need an outlet, so where better to outlet than a blog? Am I right? Of course I'm right.
Here's a brief introduction of me, which will probably also serve as an explanation of the purpose of this blog. Pretty much, I attract people with issues like a flame draws moths. They come to me from all corners of the globe, it seems, people with bulimia, anorexia, bipolar disorder, people who have been abused and refuse to acknowledge it. Sounds like a fullfilling job of a counselor, right? Only one problem. I'm not a counselor. I'm an 18-year-old music major. There is NO PSYCHOLOGY in my university bones. I'd like to add, that most of these people are older than me, but they're coming to me for advice.
Again, this doesn't seem like that big of a deal, right? I listen, give them the advice that I can give them, and they get better, right? Wrong. They come to me BECAUSE I'm not a counselor, and therefore, they don't have to take any advice that I give them. The result, is multitudes of people knocking on my door to vomit their emotionally charged issues into my lap, and leave without resolution, only to return a week later to regurgitate the same issues into my lap again. And for some reason, these people are the ones I attract as friends.
Simply put, I'm really getting sick of it. The only problem is, I look at their crying faces, and immediately, my mind goes blank. I remember when I was alone with nobody to listen to me, and all I want to do is help them. So time after time, I throw away all of those things that I keep trying to put up to protect me from the exhaustion that is carrying all of these people's problems. Pair this exhaustion with a full course load, a weaksauce immune system, and the fact that at this current moment, I have at least five people coming to me on a regular basis, and you get me being fed up.
I'll reiterate this in mathematical terms.
(full course load) + (no immune system) + 5(issues)^regularity - (Emotional Energy) = ENOUGH
So what is this blog? Well, this blog is an attempt to keep my sanity. A place for me to put all my negative, bitchy thoughts that I don't have the bravery to say out loud, so that I don't have to keep them inside and let them fester. It's also so I don't wind up tearing these poor girls to shreds. Who knows, maybe I'll actually find a way to tell them to take their problems elsewhere without completely destroying them.
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